My interest in psychology stemmed from my seeking an answer to “Why am I the way I am”. I was questioning my identity, purpose, and searching for my true self when I got introduced to Transactional Analysis (TA)
I was drawn to TA due to simplicity of concepts and their practical application in everyday life, sparking my interest to delve deeper, leading me to join TA 101. I felt TA could help me take actions to change behaviors that are no longer serving me.
The TA concept that made a huge difference to me was ego states. My recognizing that, what I believed to be Adult was actually Parent or Child state, allowed me to decontaminate and step in more and more into Adult. In this answer I have showcased how I have strengthened my Adult ego state through a systematic process of decontamination, using my TA training.
Berne defined an ego state phenomenologically as a coherent system of feelings related to a given subject, operationally as a coherent set of behavioral patterns, or pragmatically as a system of feelings which motivates a related set of behavioral patterns (Berne, 1961, p.17). “The Adult functions as that which seeks connection with current reality, the Parent appears in the likeness of parental figures, and the Child contains remnants from one’s childhood.” (F. Cornell,2016, p.4), I began to examine my thinking in stressful situations and search for contaminations.
Berne (1961) defined contamination as: “Contamination is the standardized intrusion of a part of one ego state into another ego state.” Hay (1992) described the same as “material from the Parent or the Child “leaks” into the Adult ego state”.
Contamination can be Parent-Adult contamination, where a person thinks of Parent opinion as an Adult fact (Prejudice). (Figure 1.1) In the case of a Child-Adult contamination (Figure 1.2), fearful past experiences are used to act in the here and now (Delusion). In double contamination (Figure 1.3), a person replays parental messages and agrees to them with child belief and confuse both as realities. The view on reality is distorted because content from both Parent and Child are seen as representing the truth.
I realized that I have double contaminations in dealing with money and finances related areas.
Contaminations around Money
When I was switching my job, I felt discomfort while negotiating salary and settled for a lesser hike. I see similar patterns in other situations like – taking large number targets, dealing with budgeting processes at work, deal pricing, etc., anything associated with money.
I feel scared and lacked confidence in handling financial matters. These feelings manifested in the form of – getting into a debt trap, not being able to plan my finances objectively, not being able to spend money wisely, and spending money on anything that is not an absolute necessity. When I started to earn, I never made any investment decisions because I felt I was not good at it. I was afraid of making decisions. I trusted my father to make decisions without asking any questions.
I started to evaluate the cause of this behavior through the lens of contamination. I realized how my father’s messages have influenced me and I’m carrying them from my childhood, which are no longer serving me now. The reason why I don’t spend money even if it’s absolutely necessary, and scared of money decisions is because of messages I have received from my father that “We don’t have enough”, and my Child delusion that I may run out of resources. My financial debt amplified the beliefs: “Indeed I don’t have enough”, “I may lose money with my investment decisions” and “I’m afraid of running out of resources.” I was not able to spend money on anything as these messages held me back.
Figure 1.4: Diagram of my Double Contamination related to Money
How I brought myself into Adult
“The strategy against contamination— “decontamination”—involves making the boundaries of the Adult ego state more robust, so that decisions made by the Adult are not tainted, distorted, or cropped by either the Child or the Parent.” (F. Cornell, p. 20)
With awareness of my contaminations, I decided to engage my Adult more by asking the following questions whenever I felt stuck about money.
- What am I feeling now?
- What messages I’m hearing now? What do I believe? How do this help or limit me?
- Where have I learned this from?
- How could I challenge these beliefs?
I’m using above questions to decontaminate my scarcity mindset and fears associated with financial decisions.
I am now aware of origin of my scarcity mindset, I’m trying to change it slowly by giving myself proofs like – “I have successfully paid off my debt”, “Resources will not run out overnight, I have saved enough for rainy day”, “I have received help during my financial crisis, so I’ll get some help in the worst case”.
Figure 1.5: Decontamination of my money beliefs
The concepts of ego states and contamination helped me to surface unconscious assumptions and assess whether they are appropriate in the here and now. This allows me to replace Parental messages with relevant facts and collect evidence to prove my fears from a Child state are not relevant today. This is strengthening my Adult ego state and I’m starting to trust myself more.
Being in an Adult state to me means to overcome the fears that I’ve carried from my childhood and empower myself to face challenges with courage and take responsibility for my actions.
About the author:
Ashwini is a sales and technology professional with 10 years of experience across diverse roles. Her curiosity to know more about human behaviour motivated her to start training in transactional analysis. She has completed her Diploma in Transactional Analysis.
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